Taking Off

I'm about to embark on my first excursion abroad with STUDENTS! The fact that I'm returning to Italy and France has yet to dawn on me. Instead I'm consumed with thoughts about passports and young people packing too much and sleep deprived teenagers trying to appreciate the grandeur of the Colosseum.

Wait, I get to see the Colosseum again.

Awesome.

I have no idea what this experience is going to be like. Backpacking with Bryan was fun and a little scary but I was so relieved to be a college graduate that I didn't dwell too much on the "what ifs..."

Now I have, along with my fellow chaperones, 23 young people relying on me to get them to Rome tomorrow.

There are so many "what ifs."

Change

My dad was a lover of change. He would change his hobbies...I alone saw him run the gambit of surfing, golf, hunting, sport fishing, guitar, and several others. He changed his address a few times. He did marry more than once. He always had an itch to do things a little differently.

I have noticed, since I became an "adult," that I have a similar instinct. Those that are close but not too close to me might be surprised by such a suggestion. I have been married to the same man for 7.5 years and I went to school and am now employed in the career that I decided upon while I was still in high school. The most exciting Ms. DeCamp has gotten was when she went for stretch of two years with highlights in her hair.

However, I still have big dreams. Not to change my partner or my profession but to make sure what I do is as worthwhile as possible and that I don't allow myself to fall into the step of a path that will not bring me satisfaction.

I've applied a pretty powerful magnifying glass to some of my choices recently and I have discovered something. I have allowed myself (and chosen, at certain points) to drift into a professional quagmire that I need to unravel in the coming year. I know there are no perfect schools, but there are subjects that are more in tune with my true gifts, and I need to stop hiding from the field that I excelled in during high school and college and see what I can bring to the table I should be sitting at in August. I think it's going to happen, and I'm still conflicted about it but I think it's worth the leap.

I've written about 15 paragraphs now about the other thought I have had to absorb recently, but it's not coming out right today. I'll try again soon.

Saying Goodbye

I'm going to break down my Hollins semester in more detail when I get back home, but, before our sleepover begins in earnest, I wanted to recount a few of the highlights of the day:

We hiked up to the top of Sharp Top Mountain this afternoon, and, on the way, we encountered this very tame doe (which we named July).  Robin has the pictures of him licking my arm.

We made it up to the top.  When we saw the mountain later from the Parkway it was amazing to think we had climbed all the way to the summit.  Michelle and Robin held up admirably, and I'm sure I've instilled a life-long love of hiking mountains in them. :-)  Or maybe not.

It was a beautiful, perfect conclusion to this experience.

So, until I return home, valete!

I'm Alive!

Yes, I am alive.  I took a week hiatus, not out of desire, but out of necessity.  You see, I've been a little busy.  Let me recount the past few days:

Saturday:  Got up at the crack of dawn, sang a little, read a lot, and basked in some warm fuzzies.  The conference was wonderful and I enjoyed reading my paper to an audience (I even did the voices!).  All of that excitement eventually died down and I spent the last four or five hours working on a Roman history timeline.  I think I went to bed around 4AM or something ridiculous.

Sunday:  Got up and worked on my Roman picture book from around 9AM until 3AM.  I'm serious.  I sat on a stool for over eight hours just manipulating stuff on Word.  Then I had to go back to my room and manipulate the same stuff one more time.  While watching Gladiator for inspiration.

Monday:  Got up early again and had to go to Kinko's to print everything off.  Had some issues but Robin kept me calm.  I finished everything for my picture book about 5 minutes before class began.  Presented said book in class, got positive feedback and then went home to read all my classmates' stories for workshop the next day.  Also typed up guidebook for next year's entertainment chairs. 

Tuesday:  Woke up early, wrote 6-7 pages of a new picture book I'm working on, helped out with a picture book workshop, met with resident scholar Philip Nel and had my head deflated a little, and then did a fast and furious critique before class that night.  Came home from class and crashed.  After reading another three stories and making comments.

Wednesday:   Again, woke up earlier than I would have liked, did the rest of my critiques, went to last picture books class and then came home and did revisions all night.  

Thursday:  Got up, met with my picture books professor to get one more book signed and then went for an extensive walk around campus to get pictures and reflect on my 2008 experience.  Went to my last meeting as a committee chairperson and then did another couple hours of story revision.  Went to class.  

And then I was done.  Finally.

I'm not kidding when I say that I haven't worked this hard in a while.  Which is hilarious to me because I spend an extraordinary amount of time doing my job during the school year, but this gig takes the cake.  That Roman picture book alone took around 30 hours (maybe more) to complete.  

But I survived, and I received great marks for my efforts.  And now I have nothing to worry about anymore.  However, I don't feel weird about it like I did last year.  This year I'm just relieved.  I'm so thankful that tomorrow I get to go hiking with my friends, eat some good food, reminisce a little and then have a final sleepover before I embark for Bryan and home on Saturday.  

I really need a break over the next few days.  I'm sure I'll be itching to be back in the classroom by Wednesday, but, for right now, I just want to bask in the glory that is another semester of graduate school in the bag.

Tomorrow

We're (of course I mean Robin, Michelle and myself) watching The Outsiders downstairs and I'm avoiding looking at the PowerPoint that is supposed to go with my presentation tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will do my first public reading of my critical work. I'm actually not that nervous; teaching has cured me of stage fright.  However, I do want to say all the words correctly and give some emphasis to my argument.  I want people to be interested more than anything, and these critical essays are real hit or miss.  Last year I was able to understand a few of them, but others were a little too obtuse without having the paper right in front of you to follow along.  

Today, I really faced the reality that as much I sometimes feel stressed and overwhelmed by my responsibilities, there are people out there that are way harder on themselves and are even more stressed than I am.  After a few conversations with some of my classmates, I'm starting to feel like I'm one of the more relaxed people here.  Bizarre.

But I mostly can thank Robin and Michelle for that.  They have been my salvation during these past 5 weeks, and I am very fortunate to have met such wonderful women.  Only a week left, but I will try to make the most of it.

Brain Dead

It's very hard to blog right now because my life is consumed by a picture book. And that, well, that's just boring.

Some computer savvy person would probably scoff at my angst over having to create a 32-page text, but it's pain-staking, and I don't think about much else these days.

Well, I do think about getting through Saturday (Seussical performance and critical paper reading), and then I think about Monday afternoon when this beast will be done. And knowing that when I eat dinner on Monday that I will be done, well, that's a very nice thought.

I'll have a few things left to work out, but it will be a piece of cake compared to this past week of photoshopping and photo studioing and photo illustrating. Ugh.

On a random note, I am pretty mad at my state legislature for threatening to raise our co-pays on our medical plan because they are seriously lacking in the forward planning department. I get paid so little for what I do--do I really need to pay $50 to go see a dermatologist? Or $35 to get a drug that I need every month? And they dropped our raise from 6% to 3%. Economic downturns are like dominoes, everything is touched somewhere in the process and no one can get back up again once that first piece falls.

On a happier note, I have discovered a nice little diversion. Joss Whedon's new web show, Dr. Horrible. It's hilarious and comes at a time when I need a little fun injected into my day. Plus I love Nathan Fillion from his days on Firefly. And I love Joss Whedon's writing. And even Neil Patrick Harris has gotten cooler with age after his stints in the Harold and Kumar movies. It's only available until July 20th at www.drhorrible.com, so go check it out quick if you're interested in having a laugh.

But now, Q calls, and I must return to picture book land. Sigh.

Mountain Paradise

My camera is battery-less right now, so I can't post pictures yet of my lovely weekend with Bryan, but just imagine a mountainous landscape, a well-constructed camp site, and two very well fed spouses.  

It was relaxing and perfect and fulfilling in a way that nothing in my professional life can top.  I would like to say it re-energized me for my last two weeks here, but...

that would be a little bit of a lie.

However, I'm making progress, and I have a timeline in my head that keeps me going.  Get to Saturday and this will be over. Make it to Monday and that other thing will be over.  And in 11 days, I will get to pack up my stuff and return home.  

I really do appreciate all that I am learning here, but it is unnatural to be this removed from daily life.  I try to create a routine with my classes and gym visits and conference duties, but it never quite matches the satisfaction I get from my husband, my career and my little life in Raleigh.  

But I do believe that it is good for me to push myself in this way because I doubt I ever take much time when I'm in Raleigh to reflect on how good I have it.  How much joy Bryan brings to my life.  Or how grateful I am for my students and the unique challenges my job affords me.  

And how wonderful it is to be able to go to bed and not worry that some beetle is going to make a home in your hair while you catch some Z's.