Thursday, June 28, 2007

Can I turn off my brain?

I'm not sure if it was a dream last night, but when I was trying to drift off to sleep I kept seeing flashes of light in front of me and hearing curse words in my head. (I know this sounds like something out of a Twilight Zone episode, but whatever.)

I turned over on my other side and the flashes went away. I drifted off shortly afterward.

While that event in itself is frightening, it's very reflective of my current state. I can't turn my brain off. I'm not going to go into all the things troubling my psyche right now, but I have way too much time to dwell on the most trivial of issues. A sampling would include:

What am I going to do with this degree?
Are my writing/thinking skills competitive enough to make a difference in this field?
What conferences, journals, call for papers, should I be hurriedly responding to?
How will I construct the two essays I've got to write?
When will I stop having to read a novel a day?

What is truly silly about these mostly rhetorical questions is that they won't matter the second I step foot on Raleigh soil again. As much as I love the mountains and the camaraderie and the discussions, we are almost too closed off here. I'm used to having day-to-day concerns, but here, other than eating, I'm left mostly to my own devices. Which, for someone apt to over thinking situations, is not a good thing. I'm going to be OK as soon as I move away from this computer and stop googling various young adult-related journals, but still . . . .

I had Tourette's for like five seconds last night. What's up with that?

And for a completely random conclusion--there's a bunny outside my window. Awwww.

4 comments:

Bryan said...

Not to be all 3 days ago but it's cool that Mayo reads your blog. Hi Lindsey. I hear about you often...Poo, maybe next year you can stay home! :)

Love,
B

Lindsey said...

Bryan: Was the "Hi Lindsey" directed at me or Mayo? Quidquid, hi back. I don't think you're going to convince her to stay home... but you could take 2 months off work and go pursue a graduate degree in Chemistry at Hollins. Yay for more chemistry!

Ms. DeCamp: Hehe I'm using your blog to converse with your husband :P Sorry, found that ironic for a moment.
Adrienne says Hi to you. And she screeched at Bryan.

mayo said...

To add to the comment above, Hi Bryan I love your wife. She is like a way-cool older sister to me.

Anyways, reading your stressed-out blogs just makes me want to get all stressed out and join the fun. Just Kidding. :> About the Tourette's, 1) I didn't know that it was spelled like that and thats a neat new fact
2) If you need an exorcist, I know a really nice one that lives around the corner from me. lol
3) Was the bunny light brown with long legs or was it the type to bring you colored eggs? Was this before or after the swearing? hahahhahahaha take care friend :>

Gina said...

Hey DD (that's Darlin' Daughter to those not in the know)... happy you spoke with that Neuro to assuage my fears... your Mom thanks you with all of her heart... (SWAK) Mom